it's always take a long time for me to update my blog. i spend my holiday in batam and singapore. but i think this is the worst holiday. i got so much affect from a broken heart. i just know that broken heart is so pain like this. I tried to look strong, but in reality I was weak. I try not to think about all the things about him, but there is always a gap that makes me remember him, I hate this, I hate to myself that looks so weak. I always try to think positive and open mind, so I would not hurt, but I just realized how much I was so fond of him. I was angry when saw him go out with girl friends, but I know that I have absolutely no right to it, I mentally ill but I can not do anything about it. ultimately mom's always angry to see me cry so, she always said, it is a relationship, and you broke up because it has become a decision both of you, then why are you still crying about it again? you just a useless think. I try to do like what my mom said, but I can't. and now I try to be patient, try cheerful and happy, I knew my life was not only thinking about things that are not important, and I should be more happy with my life. but do you know, lose someone who had been present in your life after a year or more is really suffocating chest. as the most important things missing but you can not look back. you must not take it back. I just can't accept that he would change like other person that i never know.. and after that, more painful to know not only him who is lost, but also your best friends, happy life full of your friends disappear, and you're lonely? I never want to say to anyone that I'm lonely, I have a family who loved me so, and a few friends though sometimes are not able to accompany and understand me every time. I know these all must be passed, but somehow I see the days became so slow passes, he could spend time with his friends, go outside or anywhere. but how about me? I'm looking for my activities, that is always trying with Kyuhyun oppa, looking for videos, songs, photographs, which actually is my escape, I really need is to figure where I can lean back and pour out my feelings. but I know I should not be spoiled. and all this must be passed.