This feeling really torturing me..

I must learn to let him go away. after the exam which will expire on 6 August, I will go to Batam or Jakarta. and the relationship among them will actually end. we will be like two people who no longer love each other and we will no longer pay attention to each other.
I had imagined something which probably would make me really sick.
when he will be back to school and become a senior, there will be new students coming into college, then met and became his new girlfriend. I can not imagine how I feel later on if you have to watch lovely relationship on facebook with his new girlfriend.
even though we broke up, actually I still have a sense of affection, sometimes I could not restrain myself to not hold him, sometimes I deliberately childish to attract his attention. I know the truth I have absolutely no right to set it again, or ask him to pick me up like old times.
time of day last week I was really pissed at him, I went to extra college alone and when I wanted to take breakfast with him, it was not succeed.
afternoon he was also not contacted me, I'm very upset, maybe I'm selfish but did not know was it was very sad as losing.
he always said if I would get a new boyfriend in the near future, would not he think if it really hurt?
Didn't he think it was not as easy as if I've forgotten it, I just do not like the look so weak, seem so needed it.
I hope no one will ever access my blog, so no one is going to realize the sadness here, I can tell you everything as satisfied. therefore I write in English so that only few people will understand. though my english is not really good.
later when I got in batam I hope I will not care about him anymore, I'm not going to have a feeling to hold him, and other thoughts that made me miss him.
but I know you all will understand when we are heart broken, all will feel so sad, even all the stuff to make us always think of him. songs, places, things, everything felt so attached to him.
each time listening to the song of yui or taylor swift I always remember when singing like crazy in the car, or go down the lorong hongkong which is his house, or remember all the things he has provided, which always makes me remember him.
gosh actually I'm not a melancholy person, but why it makes me so sad. I hope this all will pass. I was a chibi. that somehow things will always be the spirit of it all. although how that will go through difficult, you still have to pass it right?